Manual Molestation - Metal Gear

(Oh no! The manual have started to move!)

Okay. We all know this game was translated by a bunch of Japanese kids who took english 101. But how's the manual? I'll quote the manual in navy blue, and I'll be talking in magenta. Things in sky blue are not exaggerated.


Colonel Vermon CaTaffy, a once tranquil shepard boy, who grew up on the remote banks of the Sam Sam River in outer Mongolia with his 27 sisters, turned to terrorism at an early age.

What a cool premise! If I grew up with 27 women that I couldn't hump, I'd go crazy and turn to terrorism too.

Now, after years of pillaging innocent people, he has taken control of Outer Heaven, a small nation on the outskirts of South Africa. Here he is sole tyrant and radical dictator. He rules with bullets and bombs, and in only a few month he has outlawed democracy and turned harmless villagers into mercenaries for a global terrorist network.

I didn't know democracy was so important! Without it, all of us harmless citizens could easily be turned into gun toting crazies, bent on death and destruction, trying to kill all that's right and good in the world. Thank you, metal gear, for reaffirming my faith in democracy!

But his biggest threat is yet to come. For, as an obsessed madman, he has created the Ultimate Super Weapon. It's CaTaffy's greatest dream and the world's most hideous nightmare.

But as a homemaker and father of 6 he has created the most disgusting banana bread recepie. It is also the world's most hideous nightmare.

It's called Metal Gear. And it must be destroyed before the crazed Colonel unleashes his violence across the globe.

Or after. Whatever.

Back to Manual Molestation