Saturday NES Live! - Monologue
Crowd: (Cheers because that shitty band plays the intro music) Yay yay! It's a celebrity! He's gonna talk.
OSG: (Walks onto the stage) Hello, hello. Welcome to Saturday NES Live. I'm so glad that they asked me to host this show... for the seventeenth time! Eh? Eh?
Crowd Member A: Who the hell is this guy?
Crowd Member B: (Cough, cough)
OSG: Yeah, well. I'm Phil. I play that goofy guy on the world's forty third most popular NES Website. The Old School Gamer. Eh? How 'bout that?
Crowd: Boo! Get off the stage!
OSG: Ha ha ha. I knew you'd cheer. Now, even though you all want to see typical OSG humor... I'm not the OSG today. I'm just Phil. So, we'll be doing the type of skits you can normally see on a regular Saturday NES Live show.
Crowd Member B: Hey! If you aren't OSG, why does it say 'OSG' on the left beside what you're saying?
Crowd Member A: I bet it's to cater to his unintelligent fans. If he put Phil there, they'd be confused!
OSG: Hey, no one dumps on my fans and gets away with it! Why don't you show your faces? Huh? I'll beat the snot out of you!
OSG: That's what I thought. Anyway, back to the boring usual monologue. They were going to ask Nell from Dudley Do Right to be here today, but she was... tied up! Ah ha ha ha! I crack myself up!
Crowd: Boo! Hiss!
OSG: I was actually the third choice. You see, they were going to ask Mario to be here, but he was... unclogging a hairy sink for minimum wage! Oh! Oh! I'm hot! I'm so funny!
Crowd Member A: You stink, you skinny freak!
OSG: We have a great show for you today! Musical guest Hanson is here! Stay tuned, we'll be back after the break!
On to the First Sketch