Why I Will Not Win Impossible Mission 2

So, OSG wants poeple to contribute to his site, for what sick and twisted reason I do not know. The motivation for taking time out of your day to better HIS site? A copy of Impossible Mission 2. Now this sounds fine and dandy to all you other people out there, but not to me. Why? Because BkdTatrHrt never wins anything. Really. Oh sure, I won a game off of the NES Days, but that's only because I gave Jon Hertzog (Shadowman024) a quick handjob in a parking lot. I can bribe people, but I can't win naturally. I think it all comes down to my loser instinct.

I now suck at NES games. Why? Because of an invention known as the "game genie" for the uneducated. It's a simple device on the outside, but if you looked on the inside you would find not microchips, but the tortured and captured souls of Satan, tempting you to ruin your gaming carrer. Go ahead. Bust your Game Genie open. I've looked, they're there. In fact, once I let them escape, they possessed my mom and she started spitting up vomit and became a trailer trash whore. I think I might miss her for at least an hour. Anyways, I am not one to resist temptation, and so, whenever I face any sort of opposition in a game, I run to the Game Genie for help. I'm addicted to it like heroin and have become its bitch. Shit, the only games I can beat without it are Capcom disney games (that's an exageration. Really. I'm not that bad. You don't believe me? Damn you people! Damn you! Why do you always push me until I break! It's true! I can't even beat Ducktales on easy without a Game Genie. I have to use it for Color A Dinosaur too! Damn you people...). So my loserness in the NES world translates to other places.

The only things i've ever genuinely won in my life were a coloring contest in kindergarden (i've got the baddest crayons in the west bitch) and one of those things from the magazine sales weeble fundraiser (that BMX show sucked for those who know what i'm talking about). From the coloring I got 10 bucks which contributed to me buying Yo' Noid, and from the weeble I got a fucking cheap pair of earphones that broke in a day. Ripoff.

So in conclusion, I just decided i'd make a rambling editorial to go to OSG's site, stating why I will not win Impossible Mission 2. It had to be NES related I guess, so I confessed my Game Genie secret. Besides, if I won, i'd have to give Fred my address, and that's just no something I feel comfortable doing. So peace out, and I hope you win!