(warning -- possible toilet humor ahead)
|That's right, kids. I've finally decided to show you the crown jewel in my collection of NES games. This is the world's rarest NES game, OSG world. In 1989, WTF co. produced a game based on me! I wrote them a letter, saying that they should try their hand at making video games. They were so moved by the idea that they invited me to their headquarters in Colorado Springs, CO. They got me to write the plot of the game, and I helped a little with the coding and graphics. I was paid a buck and a quarter per hour for my labours. Of course, when we sent the prototype into Nintendo, they told us we had to take out the sexually explicit parts, and all of the swearing. As you can imagine, that only took most of the plot away from the game. Now it's just me looking for Billy Idol. Of course, that's me on the sticker. We had a 7 hour photo shoot. That was the best picture. Honest.|
(Notice the way that this screen shot DOESN'T look like it's from Gilligan's Island?)
|So, anyway, the whole point of OSG world is that you, the Old-School Gamer, must try to find Billy Idol. There are 3 worlds, with 23 levels each-- do the math. Along the way, you battle many kooky foes, each with humorous names. Some of the creatures that you may enounter are Jon Ak-Ak the Scary, Mr. Noodles and his pet Juggs, Ayn Rand (who usually tries to kill you with discussions about Objectivism), and Doctor Tubby. You can fend off these powerful creatures with your water gun loaded with strange and mysterious liquids. You have the use of carbonated water, shampoo (which isn't tear-free), kerosine (fun if you've got the cigarettes powerup), red hot magma and much more. Anyway, not only do you have to fight your way through all of those levels, but there are also a few puzzles that you have to solve. For example, in level six, you have to complete a Big Bird "ABC" puzzle. It has six peices-- pretty clever, huh? I mean... it's in level six... it has six peices... yeah...|
|Well, since the story is weak anyway, I'll get into the juicy stuff. There were only 5 of these carts ever produced. Since WTF went out of business making this game, they could only afford 5. I, of course, got to keep one of the 5. The other 4 went on the shelves and had a sticker price of 7,539$. The reason that they were selling so high was that WTF was trying to get out of bankruptcy. Eventually, of course, they were taken off the shelves, and donated to hungry children in some 3rd world country somewhere. So, I suppose it's officially the world's rarest NES game. It's liscenced too, as you can see by the seal of quality on the NES cart. I guess that means that Nintendo could start mass producing the game whenever they wanted to. Oh yes, you've probably noticed the quality of the screen shots. The reason that they're so crisp is that I also have a ROM of the game. You see, I own one of those... uh... dumprer-things. Yeah. And, um, the ROM is really quite good. If you had it, you'd be able to see what the game is really like. If you want it, you can... Ooops! I just accidentally dropped the disk that it's on in my coffee. Ha ha. That's okay. I'll just dump it again. Ooops! I just dropped my dumper-thing in my coffee. Oh well. At least I still have the cart. Ooops! I just lobbed it into the fireplace, thus destroying any conclusive evidence of the game ever existing. Oh well. You guys will take my word on it. Right?|
So did I have you going there for a while? If I did, tell me about it, so I can laugh. If not... well... it was entertaining, wasn't it?
(**NOTE** This game is 100% FAKE! I made it up. Nintendo, OSG world, WTF co. and Ayn Rand do NOT exist! Wait... I think Ayn Rand is an author. I asked my friend Atlas about it, but he only Shrugged. Get it? Atlas Shrugged! Uh... it's a novel by Ayn Rand. Oh, forget about it. It was a lame joke anyway.)