RICH GANNON vs GANNON
Sure, Gannon has faced his share of Links in his day, but how would this badass pig-thing match up against Rich Gannon of the Oakland Raiders?
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Throws: Footballs Rich makes his living by firing spirals at his own teammates. As if throwing footballs wasn't cool enough, sometimes he throws his name onto products and makes some money. Smart... |
Throws: Fireballs Gannon, however, makes his living by throwing fireballs at Link. Later on, he manages to dig up a pike to throw at Link. Sweet grass. |
Edge: Gannon |
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Hit by: Helmets Rich's arch enemy is the helmet, which smacks him around on a daily basis. Rich, however, tends to get up even after a square hit from a helmet. |
Hit by: Silver Arrows Gannon's arch enemy is the Silver Arrow. After a couple of hits with it, he's toast. That's right, dead as a sack of... dead things. Too bad, Gannon. |
Edge: Rich Gannon |
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Rejuvinated by: Gatorade Whenever Rich gets tired or thirsty, he pumps himself full of coloured water. And then, bam! He's slightly less tired or thirsty. |
Rejuvinated by: Link's Blood Need to revive Gannon for another swipe at Hyrule? Easy! Just kill Link, and feed Gannon his blood. If that isn't cool, I don't know what is. |
Edge: Gannon |
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Sleeps with: Cheerleaders Okay, this is an important fact: Rich Gannon can mack Cheerleaders. That's more than I get. Shit. |
Sleeps with: Zelda It doesn't matter how good looking Zelda is. Rich Gannon gets Cheerleaders. |
Edge: Rich Gannon |
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Team: Oakland Raiders I don't really watch Football. I don't know how good the Raiders are. But it doesn't matter, because... |
Team: Darkness & Evil Gannon is the prince of darkness. He's the Quarterback for team badass. He does the Hail Mary for death. He brushes his teeth with Crest. He's one evil guy. |
Edge: Gannon |
What does all this add up to? Well, Gannon is better than Rich Gannon, by a score of 3 to 2. See, kids? We can prove anything if we just look at it deeply enough.